oh and on a sidenote...

Not too sure what the story behind this is....

But look at dude's beard! Awesome! I love beards.

oh and on a sidenote...

Happy Vagina Sunday!

My apologies my dear friends for my sporadic blogging as of late!
Fear not, jumping back into the swing of things!

Hope you've all been eating your veggies and drinking your milk.

oh and on a sidenote...

I completely disagree with this statement.

BEST ARMPIT TATTOO EVER!

I really wish I was friends with this guy.

And this guy.

I would be hoping and praying for him to break out in dance all the fucking time.

Is it just me or does anyone else notice how much he looks like Jean Claude Van Damme?

oh and on a sidenote...

Happy Saturday All!
If you don't know by now I really like to eat. So kinda by default I like to cook. Unless it's the same boring thing. Then I'd rather scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon.
Anyways! On to Pinterest Experiment #3

Baked Chicken and Spinach Flautas Challenge

Sounds delicious right?!

Well, you are right. They were pretty simple and yummy. In the recipe you can cook the chicken with beer or chicken broth. I rarely have beer on hand so if anyone makes it with beer, I want to know how it turns out!

Also your supposed to add water to the beer/chicken broth when you cook the chicken...I forgot. Well, not so much forgot as I can't read. Don't know if that makes any difference either. 

Picture from the recipe site

These are mine

Nom Nom Nom!!

Also when I first seen the recipe I forgot to pin it. Pretty Normal for me, what with my pinning anxiety and all. So I figured instead of searching through thousands of recipes, I'd google it. Usually waaaay faster.

This is what Google found for me.

Fuck You Google.
Fuck You.

oh and on a sidenote...

For those of you that don't know I am horribly addicted to Pinterest. Big shock there, right?
But because I would hate anyone to know just how much time I truly do waste I only sporadically pin things. I'm what you would call a closet pinner. I bookmark the shit out of everything though.
I particularly take great enjoyment out of the recreating experiences. Especially the failures. That's where all the entertainment really is.
So because my life is horribly boring at this point in time, please feel free to join me on

The Great Pinterest Experiment

Alrighty! Off we go!
Lets start of with a two for one!
Fucking Awesome, Right?!

The Dry Shampoo Challenge

I have horribly oily hair and NEED to wash it everyday.
If not I look a little like this:

I shit you not, this is my morning hair...well minus the stubble. I spend a lot of time on hair removal.

I know what your thinking, What? No before picture? Well no. I couldn't find a single AA battery in the whole house. Even the one's from my TV remotes didn't have enough juice to power up my camera. So off I went to experiment anyways!

You'll find a million and one dry shampoo concoctions all over Pinterest, me having dark red hair decided with the Cocoa Dry Shampoo recipe.

5 tsp Cocoa

1 tsp Corn Starch

Some sort of smelly essential oil that I decided to leave out. Why, you ask? Well isn't the whole point to get rid of the grease?! 

Idiots.
So I mix it all up, sprinkle the stuff all over my scalp. Then let it sit for 10 minutes or so. During this 10 minute period, I realized two things:
1. Not one person on Pinterest or on any blogs with these recipes, inform you what a fucking mess this makes. Not only did I have it all over my face, neck, and hands, it was all over my clothes, counters, floors....Yes Ladies and Gents a chocolate bomb went off in my bathroom. Fun Times....
2. I had the genius idea of stealing batteries out of my vibrator. Which of course always has well charged batteries. I'd rather use that then watch TV anyways.
So After all that, I brushed it all out of my hair.
Outside.
See? Full of ideas!

The After.

Looks fine right? 

Well it's actually pretty gross.

True, it doesn't look as dirty, and I smell like chocolate, but it feels  disgusting and it's got some mid winter static happening. It'll do if I had my hair up, there's no way I'd leave it down.

I rate this experiment : 

2 Fuck Yeahs out 5.

Which leads to the next experiment. My hair was gross anyways so lets try some styling.

The Faux Bob Challenge

I am one of those girls that has a bad hair day and chops it all off. I have done it more times than I can count.Which always ends in me being horribly angry for months since my hair takes FOREVER to grow. I saw this idea and thought, fucking genius! Exactly what I need! Here's the step by step.

My attempt. Not bad. Pretty flat looking.

Easy, right? Yep sure is.

Great for all lengths? Yep that too. 

Great for any texture? Fuck you. No. 

I spent twice the amount of time trying to cover up the back of my hair to hide the underneath braid.

Turned out to be lumpy and bumpy and just an over all mess. My hair is way too thin for this shit.
Truly disappointed that this didn't work.
BUT if your lucky enough to have normal or thick hair, it's an awesome style choice. Even though I still say screw all of you with all your damn hair.
I rate this experiment:
1 Fuck Yeahs out 5 on my bitterness scale.
4 Fuck Yeahs out 5 for the rest of you bitches with good hair.

I need a fucking shower now. Which I'm fairly certain will be a chocolaty mess.
I should have just showered in the first place....
Not a huge failure this time but there's still plenty of time and ideas out there for me to fuck up.

oh and on a sidenote...

Yes. Yes, I do find this hilarious.

Oh and on a sidenote...

Oh! Oh! Oh!
I gots another award! Gotta be honest though, this one is particularly special because I received it from Lily.
A woman who gets me and all my twisted ways, and not to mention, is just about the best blogger I've read.
Thanks so much Lily for being a wonderful and perverted addition to my life and thank you for digging my blog!

oh and on a sidenote...

For some reason I find this product absolutely genius!

I was going to add my own witty comments, but with lines like these:

 *Sure, feel free to insert "things" into it but the wearer can also let their own, ahem, toy dangle out for that truly Japanese mixed gender androgynous experience. *

I cant even compete.

Genius, I tell you. Genius!

Oh go here. So much awesomeness if you waste some time like me. Trust me do it.

You might find other things....

Like this:

A wife torso.
Epic.
Or this:

*This sweet strawberry-smelling Panchu Used Panties have been ripped off the pussy of an innocent Japanese girl, still clutching her teddy bear.*
Yep. You totally read that correctly. USED panties people. USED. Not for real used but apparently there's a market for pretending that they are....USED little girl panties....*shudder* 

oh and on a sidenote...

This what my best friend sends to me when she should be working. Also we collectively decided if either of our men decided to send us these types of pictures, we would share them with each other.
Why? Because that's what best friends do.
That, and it's far too awesome not share.

Have I ever mentioned how much I like cookies?
No?
Well I do.

oh and on a sidenote...

Fuck Yeah!!
I gots myself another award! And I say "another" like I'm real used to this shit or something. In reality I'm not, but it's all good! I'm ridiculously grateful that Kelly, over here, passed it along to me. Thanks Again!

Okay, so it's got rules...
I'm gonna try and follow the rules....


Award Rules:


1. Thank the person who gave you the award. * Totally did that
2. Answer 7 questions about yourself. 
3. Provide 10 random facts about yourself
4. Hand the award to 7 deserving others. * Chances are I wont. Only cause anyone I can think of that deserves this award already has it. Makes me feel like a twat being the fourth/fifth/sixth person to be sending it their way.

Shit About Me:


1. What's your favorite song?
Right now my favorite song is Ben Howard's cover of Call Me Maybe.
No, I dont actually like the original.
But this one is epic and I hadn't even heard the original until after I heard this one, therefore I have a completely biased opinion.

Also I want to sit on his face.

2.What's your favorite dessert?
I never order dessert when we're out for dinner. I never have room. Not to mention no one ever has anything on the menu that I can actually eat. I look every single time. And I am slightly disappointed every single time.

3.What do you do when you're upset?
I usually call my bestie Amber, and have a bitch fest about it. That or I silently stew until I explode. Then I can reach the point of being reasonable.

4.What is your favorite pet?
I guess my dogs. Because I have two dogs. I love them. I hate the mess they make with their paws all over my clean floors. I hate cleaning up dog shit. Guess who's job it is every fuckin day for fuck sakes?

5.Which do you prefer white or whole wheat?
I like both actually. I'm not too picky, I take either one. Except the kind of whole wheat that's all chunky. With all the bits and shit. I hate that.

6.What's your biggest fear?
I have the usual fears that most people have. Something happening to my kids/husband/friends and family. Mostly now that I'm old balls I fear that I'm never going to be extraordinary at anything. I'm pretty good at a lot of stuff, but I want to be extraordinary at something.
*whew* Got a little deep there....
Cock sucker mother fucker pussy ass face
Much better, and let's get back at it, shall we?!

7.What is your attitude, mostly?
Mostly that my life is boring as fuck. Which is why I dont bother to blog about it.

More Shit about Me:


1. I HATE camping. But if you invited me on a Bigfoot hunt, I'd camp for that.
2. If I would have know how my body would look after kids, before I had them, I would have had a tummy tuck fund saved up.
3. I love men. If I wasn't married I'd be a disease riddled whore bag.
4. I dont want to talk about my feelings. It's gross.
5. I feel like the sexiest beast out there after I freshly color my hair. No idea why, but I do.
6. I eat the same breakfast and lunch almost every single day. For the past 5ish years.
7. I have really nice feet.
8. I am a complete stress case over just about everything.
9. I color coordinate all the clothes in our closets. It's like an amazing organized rainbow.
10. My husband has no idea that I blog.

Alright, that took waaay longer than I was expecting!
Hope you all read this far!
Thanks again Kelly!

oh and on a sidenote...

Best. Glamour. Shot. Ever.

My first thought?
Are they brother and sister?
Seriously, peel your eyes away from massive amount of sexy and look at their faces.
See? They look related right?!

oh and on a sidenote...

After all the endless hours I spend wasting precious brain cells finding random things on the Internet, I am rarely surprised. But this actually did it.

White Power Milk

Guess 1:
Now, because of the name of the site, part of me wonders if this is some sort of milk service provided from and for a bunch of racist's. Could be? Maybe? Not sure. But the emphasis on the "rich, beautiful, elite, white girls" point to yes.
OR
Guess 2:
Their is some secret world of gargling fetishes that I've yet to learn about. Since you can purchase a video of them gargling milk if:
A. You cant afford the milk. (WTF)
B. Or are out of their shipping area.
OR
Guess 3:
We've got some serious germaphobes that are convinced that if their milk is gargled by rich,beautiful white girls first their saving themselves from all sorts of crazy bacterias.


I'm just going to take the safe guess and resign myself to the fact that it's probably all 3.
Oh the amazing world of the Internet.


 Random fact :
When I went to spell check germaphobe,  it kept giving me gumbo's as an option. I feel like I'm missing something?!

oh and on a sidenote...

Just cause it made me laugh.

I got a sneaking suspicion that this happens more than we notice.

oh and on a sidenote...

My apologies all for being noticeably  absent.
Or maybe no one noticed....either way, I've been slightly uninspired when it comes to blogging.
Can you imagine? I've actually participating in my real life! *GASP*

But fear not!

May this haunt your sleepless nights.

oh and on a sidenote....

Part of me is actually tempted to drug the Husband into a coma just so I can do this to him....

I wonder how long it would take for him to forgive me.....

That or I could turn him into art,

He doesn't quiet have the man boobs to pull it off though. But he probably wouldn't be as upset with this one.

oh and on a sidenote...

Happy Vagina Sunday All!!
Unfortunately I have no funny and/or sick and disturbing vagina's to show off today. BUT! Fear not!
Now I'm part of the giant world of DIY'ers. I like to make shit, some of it's functional, some not so much.
I'm totally digging this do it yourself and do it on the cheap trend that's happening...but this is just ridiculous.

I'm not sure whether or not to be more horrified by the fact that this guy is :

A: Impressed with himself for being so cheap.

B: Can actually fit his penis in the top of a water bottle.

Actually, B totally explains why he's spending time and effort experimenting on DIY sex toys.

oh and on a sidenote...

Happy Mothers Day!!!
AND it's vagina Sunday!
Imagine that?!
First off, here's a gift that just warms the heart.

Why? Because no one wants to see your Mom's camel toe....

And I have affectionately given this picture the title " Wildlife Pussy"

Witty, right?!

I think the most disturbing part of this photo is the dog...That's a real live very confused Dog.
Dog: "Please don't let her take me home..."

oh and on a sidenote...

Today's lesson of the day is for the Men around here,

Plushophilia  is not an acceptable pass time.
Thank You.
That is all.

oh and on a sidenote...

As a former World of Warcraft Addict and Catholic, this cracked me the fuck up.

Yes boys and girls, blasphemy can be fun too.