oh and on a sidenote...

Fuck You Crohn's!
Ok, yeah, yeah, I'm relatively healthy. I don't have nearly as many issues as some and I still got all my intestines minus a a few inches, and I don't have to poop in a bag. But Fuck You anyways. I have too much shit to do today to spend my day having to shit all the time!
I was supposed to have started working out again today, since I realised that I packed on another 5 lbs right around my tummy, and finally found a little motivation. Not to mention I have a doctor's appointment for one of my little men this afternoon, and then trick or treating for crap sakes!
And to top it off drinking my usual pot of coffee before noon seems really out of the question, since it just speeds up everything that wants to exit my system. Things I don't really need. AND, AND, AND, it fuckin snowed this morning which means some extra layers of clothing. Which is seriously cutting into my smoking schedule as well. It's not exciting at all throwing on my winter gear to stand outside to have smoke, only to have to poop two puffs in...
Ok, I've had my bitch for the morning.
I have to poop again.

oh and on a sidenote...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

I really cant stand Heidi Klum. There's just something about her that gets on my last nerve. I'm sure she's nice enough in real life blah blah blah. BUT her Halloween costume this year is amazeballs. The one and only reason I'm even talking about her.

And you cant even tell it's her. Another bonus.

oh and on a sidenote...

Ok, so yes there is a story behind how this epic Lego man washed up on the beach, if you care that much you can read about it here . I, on the other hand, don't care how or why he got here. What I want is one of them! Fuck that noise I wouldn't be calling news stations or twatting about finding this awesomeness, this lady would be loading his giant ass on a truck and getting the fuck outta dodge. I need him. So if your that crazy guy dumping them in the ocean, go ahead and save one to send to me...I meant it. I'm sure I could even think of a few favors I could do for you in exchange *wink*wink*.

oh and on a sidenote...

Using this:

will lead to you being interesting to others.
Using this:

will lead to you being irresistible to others.
Using this:

will lead to you being found suffocated under a pile of old newspapers, while your 50 + plus cats snack on your dead body.

oh and on a sidenote....

My previous post also congers up images of a toothless hillbilly chasing his sister around a barn yelling while waving his vibrating corn cob in the air  "Come on Sissy! Let me put my corn in your corn hole!"

That is all. Enjoy the mental image.

oh and on a sidenote...

Who's hungry for corn?!

Ok, ok, not so much hungry, But who's horny for corn?!
So things that I noticed *snicker* not only that the couple on the package is two men, but  Boku No is  a series of Japanese adult anime, so if I'm not mistaken, this is promoting sexual harassment...or maybe the translation got a little lost some where LOL This could completely be the case since it's a "hyper wank device" *snort*
But hey really who wouldn't want to be pursued by an attractive man waving a vibrating corn cob around, declaring his love for you while whispering sweet nothings about where he wants to plant his corn?! Come on now, that's some real romance there.

I tried with no success to find the actual site selling these, cause I think I would love to have one just to show off, and maybe continue to prove that I am certainly weird.  I promise I would keep it sealed in the package.
Someone find me the site! STAT!

oh and on a sidenote...

Ah and this beauty made me just about spray my coke out of my nose when I saw it....

Good Ole' Classy Maury Povich !! This was taken at The Calgary Tattoo & Art Festival last weekend, that *sigh* I sadly missed. But at least I can prove that someone actually has this...this piece of "art" and it's not photo shopped. I'm sure in a few yrs this person may wish it was though. I'm still gonna file this one away in the Epic Decisions folder.

oh and on a sidenote...

So I stumbled on to this site yesterday. www.fit2fat2fit.com Now I get the whole idea behind it, this guy super fit personal trainer

Decides that he needs a better understanding of how hard it is to get into shape when you've let yourself go. And to prove that it can be done.

This is him 23 weeks in. I think he said he had something like 4 or 5 weeks to go still, before he can get back to eating better and working out.
Now what if it's not as easy as he seems to think it's going to be? I get that he's super uber trainer man BUT he's never had to work out in that body. I'm totally curious to see, if :
1. He actually makes honest posts about how hard it actually is to get back in shape.
2. If he can get that BEFORE body back.

And in one of the videos he makes a off-hand remark about his wife not loving his fat body....I betcha he wasn't prepared to have no sex for months at a time cause he turned into a fatty LOL

AND, AND I love that now, that he's not all buffed up, notice he has no tan, and he doesn't remove all his body hair. Which is kinda gross in the first place, as much as I love to look at a buff smooth man, I think I would make some serious fun of my husband if he started waxing his chest!!
I wonder if he's trying to prove that if you let yourself go you don't care about any aspect of your appearance.....
Hey look at me getting all serious and shit! Here. Wait. Hang on.
Muahahaaaa Man boobies
There, that's better.

oh and on a sidenote...

This is Jack Frost.

He can fuck right off.
This is me being very grumpy about seeing the frost covering everything this morning. Also I hate being cold.

oh and on a sidenote...

My top two reasons why Sweden is the shit. In no particular order I might add.

oh and on a sidenote...

Oh! Whoa! Hey! Here's good reason why you should maybe rethink that boob job....or at least pick a doctor by reputation and not price.

oh and on a sidenote...

I started writing this post fully intending to post yet another traumatizing photo I randomly found this afternoon, only to realize I forgot to save the fucking picture!!! Mother fucker. *Sigh* Anyhoo, it was was a close up picture of a vag and an asshole. But cover the asshole was a GIANT trantula. Hair and shit, with it's long legs *shudder* It may or may not have been photo shopped....but it gave me the willies, which is why I wanted to share it.
And right about now your probably wondering what the fuck is this lady looking at?! And the funny thing is I wasn't even searching for randomly gross or even dirty things.(not that time at least) I was looking up Halloween craft project ideas! I swear!!!
And this is me, for the past 45 minutes typing in every random search that has to do with Halloween/asses/spiders/nudity....you name it, the thing is *poof* fucking gone!
Ruiners of all fun!! *shakes fist at the Internet gods*
I will find it...oh I will....and you will all the get the willies too.
And then I will need to delete my browsing history.

oh and on a sidenote....

Huh, I guess my random projects I've been posting on Craftster are slowly making their way around the web...I found my DIY cupcake stand I made last year.  I totally dropped it and it shattered into a million pieces *sob* but whatever it was easy and I can definitely make another :)

Here's a link to the tutorial I made http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=360937.0 and a link to the blog I found it on http://creepycupcakes.blogspot.com/2010/10/ready-for-halloween-day-16-showing-off.html

oh and on a sidenote...

Movie review time!!!!So I found www.free-horror-movies.com while wasting my time surfing the net. Now I'm wasting my time watching horror movies. Because you know I don't watch them enough as it is. And I don't have to actually download them, GIANT bonus.
So I decided to go with an oldie but a goodie that I've watched a million times and I know I still have it on VHS somewhere around here.

CHILDREN OF THE CORN (1984)



Oh the epic-ness of this movie! How could you not love religious based torture and murder....especially when it's all that the hands of children/teenagers?!?! The creep factor is fantastic, homicidal kids just creep me, right the fuck out. And I have a Stephen King addiction, so really even if it's horrible chances are I would still watch it and enjoy it. This was a short story in his novel The Night Shift. Also awesome.
And I guess if you've been living under a rock I'll give you a brief run down.
We have a couple (Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton) who stumble upon a deserted town only to discover that all the adults were murdered and the place is being run by religious fanatic children. The children are being lead by Isaac, who are all worshipping "He who walks behind the rows" Which yep you guessed it is in a corn field. Some blood, guts, and alot of creepy music. How does it all turn out?! GO WATCH IT muahahahahahahaaaa.
Now there has been a million sequels and a few remakes, all of which I haven't seen. Why? Well I didn't want to taint my love for the orginial but I think I may break down and do it anyways *sigh*
And here's the run down of all the others made.

Disciples of the Crow (1983) (original low ass budget film)

Children of the Corn (1984)

Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1993)

Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995)

Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering (1996)

Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror (1998)

Children of the Corn 666: Isaac's Return (1999)

Children of the Corn: Revelation (2001)

Children of the Corn (2009) (2009)

Children of the Corn: Genesis (2011

I think I'll browse the movie site tonight and see what I can find.

oh and on sidenote...

Since Lily requested to see some more of the crap that I make and it's Halloween time I figured I 'd post the pumpkins I made last year. I really wanted to make some more this year but their time consuming and I totally fucking forgot to even decorate till the other day!! Son of a bitch! I'm not on the ball at all lately *sigh*Anyhooo, I found the tutorial on www.stolloween.com which is fuckin amazing! I wish I had this guys job. Their paper mache and paper pulp, no rotting pumpkins for me! Wait, no that's a lie....I still carve real ones anyways....which reminds me, I need to buy some real pumpkins.....

This one I made for my sister

This one I made for my bestest friend



And these ones I kept for myself



(this guy was the first attempt, which is kinda why he looks like he was sat on....my shape did get better with each one LOL)

And these little fuckers are my favorite. Mostly because it's pretty entertaining to listen to my kids make up stories about how/why the one with the weird face is sitting on top of the mad one.
All in all they take a few weeks with all the drying time and such, but super fun....someone remind me earlier next year so I can make more, geeez.

oh and on a sidenote...

Oh and if anyone cares this is my pinterest
http://pinterest.com/ladypie/
I pin stuff, I crackbook, I do this blog but refuse to tweet my twatty thoughts.

oh and on a sidenote...

I'm thinking that this person should use this technique

To get rid of this

oh and on a sidenote....

Since I accidentally traumatized myself this morning while enjoying my morning coffee, I thought I'd pass it along. Since you know maybe I wont feel like I'm the only one who could bleach their eyeballs.
Enjoy.

oh and on a sidenote...

So I've also decided to broaden my blogginess by adding some of my projects every once and a while. I don't have the flare or patience to be an awesome craft blogger. Also my projects are not exactly cutesy and generic enough to bring me to the masses. But I ramble *sigh*
So yeah here goes.
This is Boris.
 I like animal heads. Chances are I cant afford a real one *cry* so the next best thing! Off the the Internet I go! I noticed alot cardboard random ones out there and I was inspired. This beauty took me about a month to make. He's a whole lot of paper mache, paper mache pulp, good ole white glue, and expanding foam stuff, and spray paint. And a whole wack of random cardboard that I would have recycled anyways. Oh and a few balloons that started off the head shape.
** Sidenote: I love expanding foam it's fascinating!! If you have a chance to use it, DO IT! Also I love spray paint. That shit covers anything. And I dont mind the fumes. This could also explain a few things.
And I desperately wanted to have him mounted like the real thing! That's where the foam came in, because he was hollow and I was stumped as to how you mount it, so I filled the fucker up!!

He's not perfect and he's not everyone's taste but I'm in love with it. He's obnoxiously bright gold and lives in my living room. Chances are down the road that he'll get some friends. Maybe not as big, or maybe they will be bigger but Boris is pretty frickin big LOL.

oh and on a sidenote...

Can you sense my flare for the romantic lately? Awesomely girly of me don't you think?

http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/valentines11/

oh and on a sidenote

I need this. Cause I have weird hang ups about germs and having to share my shower with other people.  Hopefully this would be a big enough creep factor.



http://designhead.net/cdimino/gasmask.html

oh and on a sidenote...

http://www.explosm.net/comics/2569/

oh and on a sidenote...

Now this shit is romance. Real hardcore romance. How do you top this?

* Also note the facial expression. In his head this dude is saying to himself "Fuckin Rights, I am a goddamn love machine. Let's see the ladies try and resist all this"